Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in forsakenguard's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, June 13th, 2004
3:43 pm	yep still pretty pissed off. . . don't know what to do about it either. i hate this crap it needs to stop now. . . Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: none o02 looks on your face0o
3:05 pm	. . . yeah well i'm just mad right now. . . Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: nine inch nails (sin) o0on your face0o
Sunday, June 6th, 2004
7:53 am	FROZEN KING You dont want love to come through to you. You like it the way you are. To be unreachable, no need to show feelings. Hiding everything inside you. You are already used to it. You say yourself that you dont need anyone, that you stand on your own two feet or that you dont have time for these things. But in reality you are scared to get hurt. You feel save where you are: by yourself, nobody can hurt you there. You invent your own relationship in your dreams. You just need to know that you COULD get a partner. Current Mood: --__-- o0on your face0o
Saturday, June 5th, 2004
1:43 am	can anyone tell me why the hell the shocked face i have is smiling Current Mood: shocked o0on your face0o
1:42 am	well no chest pains today but i did have ALL the other problems my blood preasure causes me. i got really upset today and the only one here was ryan and he asked me what was wrong and after he asked over and over and was trying to be a good friend i told him i couldn't tell him cause i couldn't trust him. cause holly told me once that he and ariel both told her that i said i didn't care about holly which is total bull crap!!! Ryan got upset about it called ariel a few minuts after i told him that and yelled at her to leave him out of all the BS and ariel could only say that she is just going to do whatever to protect her brother...ryan stayed pissed off of course and then said that he wasn't going to the movie they had all planned on going to see. i hope he decided to go cause i really didn't mean to ruin anyones day. i just needed to tell him why i would trust him with what was wrong. i feel like i'm without a best friend right now...cause i have no one i dare trust with talking about whats bothering me. anyone i have tried talking to has not helped and anyone else i'd like to talk to i know i can't for one reason or another Current Mood: crappy o02 looks on your face0o
12:57 am	If there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal. o0on your face0o
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004
2:20 am	its late and i'm suposed to get up and leave the house in just over 2 hours but i haven't slept a wink as the phase goes. to much in my head the idea of holly kissing william is just poison to my mind and i can't take it. i'll do want willam wants to get my love back in my arms. i have had a few times in my past where i've wanted someone back but it wasn't important even then cause it was ok without them to but not with this. . . this time i need her back i love her to much to give her up. i wish i could show her the love i have for her. i'll have to find a way Current Mood: crushed Current Music: no music just dead silence o0on your face0o
Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
9:00 pm	i am freaking out so bad right now. . . my blood preasure was starting to go back to normal just a little. it just went really high again faster then i knew it could. within seconds my whole body was shaking my legs my head and hands everything was shaking out of control. my chest is at it again. i've cried a few times just a little bit though since my preasure rocketed. i wasn't crying from the pain though. the pain i used to for the most part i just have to brace myself a little for that. i cried over holly. she's been with william only a few days now but she has already made out with him now. great silently crying again. i had beautiful dream last night, it started with kat yelling at me saying that i'm a bad person and never deserved u and will never deserve u and that i'm a horrible wicked person to u and u came and made her leave me alone and then we started hiking and we just kept hiking on and on. we were together again and in the dream it was to last forever. i bought holly a present today. i hope she likes it when i give it to her... i feel like i've been away for a long time to come back nothing as it was and should have stayed. i feel like i've grown the past few days. a few days ago nothing matter to much to me exept that i could be loved by holly and kristina and before she left for her odessy of the mind trip much against my better judgement i kissed her...a couple times even. but i didn't want to go out with her and i didn't want to go out with anybody. i instead wanted to be with who ever i was with at the time... u_u ... that was wrong of me to thing i don't know why i had that in my head it wasn't what i had planned to do i wanted to just give things time to air out between me and holly cause it seemed like she needed me to leave for a while but i told her if she wanted me she only needed to ask me to talk to her or come see her. somewhere stupid boyish desire kicked in and now i'm so sorry but its too late. i am once again doomed to depression again it seems. my blood preasure only rocketed when holly told me she made out with william. after spending time with holly the other day there was no one in the world i was rather be with. i love holly much more the kristina now. i don't even see kristina's love as an option anymore. u_u.....knowing how well holly's relationships go it could be a long time if ever before this one is done. i can wait. it'll hurt worse then it did with her and eamon but i can wait through the pain again i think. i need to start finding ways to get this all off my mind for a while. plz any of my friends help me get through. i need support this time plz don't abandom me like last time plz see me through this time. Current Mood: shocked Current Music: bother "u dont' need to bother, i don't need to be" o02 looks on your face0o
1:05 am	well i guess its finally back. last night i went to bed tired at four in the morning but i couldn't rest i was only half asleep and having nightmares about kat yelling at me. i haven't had that happen for about 6 mounths now so its very weird. i was just really sad and upset all day today and just couldn't cheer up. my blood preasure has been bad today aswell even now my heart is hurting me cause of it. something is seriously wrong with me making me really depressed all over again and i just don't know what it is really. it could be over holly it could be cause kristina and amber r out of town it could be cause my vacation was canceled it could be that my mom was just having a bit fit over everything this morning and it could be because i have a seacret that i'm not telling. me and holly r planning now to go on a hike sometime...i hope its a long long hike i need a long one. gezzz everything kept scaring me today i was afraid of everyone holly especally scared me today i was about to cry even it was terrible she just got all mad cause i was getting scared and that of course made it so much worse. i've been doing a lot of pictures on the pc the past couple days. felicia says she's moving back here this summer maybe she could help me she used to be able to make me feel better in the past maybe she can help get me out of depression. i haven't been eating right the past couple days either. yesterday i wasn't at 100% but i thought i would be fine today but yeah we've already been over today. i was so lonely today too. no one came over and no one had the time or energy for me and online no one hardly spoke to me despite my atempts to have convos. not even holly really spoke to me much she talked to (will)iam all day though...that sure didn't help me feel better. sometime around 10 i went to ryan's house as an atempt to be cheered up ariel was there to but i didn't really end up feeling any better. i feel really torn apart...if only i could rip myself from holly's love i could be with kristina and if only i could rip myself from kristina's love i could probly get holly back........i can't bring myself to love one more then the other...its just ripping me apart. i need advice or something maybe a sign or a motive or just the right feeling or to just hear the right thing.........i need to be cheered up dang it!!!!! Current Mood: depressed Current Music: the 1-800-suicide song thing o01 look on your face0o
Monday, May 17th, 2004
10:13 pm	well lately i've had several great days absolutely great no worrys and i've been with good friends and today was my 18th birthday and the second annual best of the dojang tornamant of ironwood ridge high shcool and i won first place it sparing its wasn't too easy of course but i won anyways. i didn't do good at all in forms whitch sucks cause thats my best event. I still won in forms last year though so yay. heather wasn't allowed to compete cause of her stupids needs to go to hell tomarrow dad but she still helped out with it all alot ^_^. amber and kristian spared and so did rachel and holly winners were kristina and holly. andrew was in my devision and once again i didn't get to spar him cause i worked with his opponnet for a while before the match and tought him new moves that i knew would work on him and i was right and so i spared the guy i help in the finals and won. although i proved myself to be the village idiot by not remembering to put on my shin guards before the match and we had to start over again and i was deducted a point for that but i made up for it good and well. after all that i took amber and kristina to my house and be had pizza for dinner in honor of my 18th b-day. and friday i'm having my birthday party. i'm thinking of making it a dance kind of thing. and oh yeah i'm getting a laptop for my birthday! Current Mood: awesome actually Current Music: [lincon park] theres a big surprise o0on your face0o